“Draw Near to God” : Light the World

Jesus Christ gave so much wonderful counsel and advice to His apostles at the Last Supper. He commanded them to "love one another", to "let not your heart be troubled;" promising "I will not leave you comfortless," and " if ye love me, keep my commandments." He promised that His mortal death would bring about everlasting life. He shared with them that whosever believed in Christ and took upon himself Christ's name, that the power of God would be with him.

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubles, neither let it be afraid." St John 14:27 

I find myself stressed about my financial situation, finding motivation to begin work, and relationships with family, friends, and myself. However, I know that I don't need to feel those stresses when I have done all I can do, and am doing what the Lord has commanded. He provides a way, he always provides a way. He is the One to lift my spirits when I am feeling down, and He is the One who wipes away my tears. Christ is the One who can do what no one else can, Christ is my Redeemer, and my salvation! 

Christ knew life would be hard for His apostles when He left them, but He also knew that all of us would experience pain and hardship. His blessings and promises made of old apply to us, we can feel of His love and spirit as we take His upon us, love each other, and keep His commandments. We were not born into the world while the Savior was on the earth, but that doesn't mean His light and love don't apply to us! They apply more because we have faith in Him, without ever seeing Him. All of God's children will one day feel of His love and the Gospel! Those who are lonely, don't need to feel so because Christ is always there! His arms are extened towards you, turn to Him, and embrace the Savior! 

“Draw Nearer to God” : Counsel with the Lord

Alma shares advice with Helaman, his son, about keeping God in his heart! He testifies that we must rely on God for support, holding a prayer in our heart throughout the day to be led and guided by the Spirit. Alma shares that we should give the Savior our love and grateful hearts! We should praise His Holy name and remember His hand in our lives.

"O, remember, my son, and learn wisdom in thy youth; yea, learn in thy youth to keep the commandments of God." 

Alma 37:35

Alma advises his son to learn wisdom, and to learn it early. As we strive to understand the teachings of the Lord, we will find wisdom in His words and truth to His promised blessings. We must learn early to trust God and to do as He commands, because His way is the ONLY way!

"Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yeah let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever. Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and He will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that He may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day." 

Alma 37:36-37

We are to counsel with the Lord in all our doings, so that He can direct us to do good. We pray before bed, giving our complete trust to God in our most vulnerable state, that He will watch over us and protect us! We rise in the morning and praise God in thanksgiving for His protection and blessings upon us! Heavenly Father loves us beyond our own ability to comprehend, and our Savior Jesus Christ loves us as infinitely and intimitaly as our Father.

The principle of turning our will over to God, and going to Him for confirmation of our everday decisions is crucial to strengthening our relationship with Heavenly Father. He has blessed us with our freedom to choose (agency) and expects us to devote our lives to Him in return. We are able to do this through small and simple means, as well as great sacrifices. We devote our time and talents to serving others, which in turn is serving Him (Matthew 25:40 / Mosiah 2:17). As we come to Him with questions, asking in faith, and having already done all we could do, He will bless and provide the way for us to be eternally happy!

I know that by keeping Heavenly Father at the forefront of our mind, and by speaking with Him in our hearts, we will strenghten our connection with Him. We will be better suited to feel the promptings of the Holy Ghost, and we will be inspired to do His will amongst His children. I testify of this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

“Draw Nearer to God” : Simple Things

Alma the Younger is teaching his son Helaman the importance of keeping the records of the people. Alma explains that this is "for a wise purpose" and that God does everything for a reason; recording the simplest doctrines is what will help future generations. Alma shares with his son that by keeping a record of the spiritual and temporal history, the Lord would be able to bring about His work to all the people of the world.

This scripture inspires me to keep my own record of spiritual experiences, so that when I need guidence and spiritual strength, I can look back and see the hand of God in my life! By remembering the little experiences, we can be better prepared for the big experiences; by keeping a record of our blessings, our future families will be able to recognize our testimonies, and seek for their own spiritual experiences.

The Lord does everything for a wise purpose. His Gospel was restored to the Earth exactly when it was because His wonderful plan was to do it that way; Joseph Smith was supposed to be the Prophet of this dispensation, and he was prepared for his mission from before the beginning.

The principle of small things bringing about great things can be applied to anything. By studying for a class here a little and there a little, at the time it comes to take the test, you won't be cramming the information, because over that study process you will have leanred the information. Studying the scriptures works that way too. Studying them before a mission or before a spontaneous question of testimony, you will be prepared to know how to answer any question, or where to find the answer. Adding a drop of oil to your lamp, will eventually build up to be a great source of light and inspiation when it gets dark.

I invite all of us to remember the little things; prioritize our tasks so that all the important things will have been completed and given our fullest attention.

“Draw Nearer to God” : Fear Not

"...nevertheless they stand fast in that liberty wherewith God has made them free; and they are strict to remember the Lord their God from day to day; yea, they do observe to keep his statutes, and his judgments, and his commandments continually; and their faith is strong in the prophecies concerning that which is to come." - Alma 58:40 

This week has been one of deep reflection and turning to God. As fear and hate divides the United States, it is into God's hands that we must give our will. We live in a wonderful nation that provides opportunities for progress, freedom, and peace! Jesus Christ is at the head of this nation, and more importantly, the Gospel as it rolls forth to all the Earth. Heavenly Father has protected our rights to freedom in all forms in this country, and only through Him will we remain free.

This scripture in Alma, comforts me and reminds me that God is in charge. God has a plan, and He has shared it with us. If we are faithful and earneslty seek His guidance, we have no reason to fear what man can do. I have a testimony that Heavenly Father loves me, He loves all of us, and He will keep me free! There are so many wonderful opportunites available to us, and we have the responsibility to bring the Gospel to His children. God will provide a way for His people to live His Gospel freely, and He will continue to bless those who keep His commandments and those who remain faithfull to the covenants they have made. 

"Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you; and ye shall bear record of me, even Jesus Christ, that I am the Son of the living God, that I was, that I am, and that I am to come." - D&C 68:6

“Draw Nearer to God” : Faith is a Seed

Faith is not a complete understanding, it is not a perfect knowledge of things. 

Faith is hope for things which you cannot see. Faith is hope for things that are true. 

Faith is trust in God! 

In Alma 32, the poor people of Antionum are taught to pray in humility. Alma teaches them of faith and humility; humility is a strength, humility is the willingness to offer our will to God. Alma teaches the people to nuture their faith, plant it as a seed and let it grow within them. 

Acting in faith brings experience >> experience built precept upon precept gives knowledge >> knowledge leads to continued obedience >> obedience makes way for humility >> humility allows you to serve willingly >> service added upon service becomes charity: the pure love of Christ! 

I have faith that the Savior will come again! I have faith that He is my Redeemer, that He paid the price needed for my deliverance from sin and has paved the way for me to live with Him again! I know that little by little, my testimony will grow, my love for God will increase, and my love for His chilren will continue to grow! If I act in Faith to do good, I will gain spiritual experiences that will lead to increased wisdom in God's plan, allow me to humble myself to give glory to God, to serve Him willingly and to be charitable to His children! All it takes is planting a tiny seed, and helping it grow! 

"Now, we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it wil begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves--- it must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me." 

- Alma 32:28

“Draw Nearer to God” : Inspiration for Improvement

As a woman, the world will try to tell me who I should be, what I should wear, how I should act, and why. I know that what the world wants, and what God wants are completely different. God wants me to come to Him in prayer, seeking for guidance through the darkness of this life. There are many role models, women who examplify qualities of Christ, and there are many women who do not. When we give our attention and aspirations to be like these women, it is imperative that we judge them righteously to recognize if the light of Christ is in their lives and focus our lives to improve. In Proverbs 31, there is great counsel for women of God, and how they should represent Christ! I should be doing good, seeking for service opportunities, opening spiritual doors for others to Come unto Christ, rising as an example, looking for the lost, considering the advice of Prophets, perceiving the whisperings of the spirit and needs of others, working to share God's word, making righteous choices, giving my love, time and talents, and being someone better!

As we strive to become the children of God that He desires and requires us to be, He will bless us with guidance, courage, strength, love, and happiness. We may not be perfect examples of Christ, charitable and faithful, but as we contueously press forward to achieve these characteristics of the Savior, we will feel His love for us and those we serve.

"10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. 

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. 

31 Giver her the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates." 

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“Draw Nearer to God” : Trust in Him

There have been many times in my life when I've not understood what God was doing. I have to trust God and know that He's in charge and has a plan. Being at BYU, I've gone through many ups and downs, not seeing why I have the struggles that I do. I have had to pray fervently in order to feel comforted, without receiving direct answers.

I have struggled for a long time with sadness. It comes and goes, but mostly stays. Right now, I am feeling pretty good. I have just returned to the light from my darkness and thank God for it! I know I can turn to Him when I feel any emotion and I know that He is right there by my side! I don't understand why I feel this way, but I do know that it encourages me to turn to God more often! One day I will look back and see God's hand in my life, and I will be forever greatful for having the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life!

 - - - - -

In any decision, we need to turn to God! He wants us to come unto Him in everything though, action, emotion, and trial! By turning to the Light of the World, we can be inspired and feel at peace, even if the darkness doesn't completely leave! "There is light and hope ahead!" - Jefferey R. Holland.

In Proverbs 3:5-6, the admonition is to trust in God! This is one of my favorite scriptures, and I think of it all the time! It applies to all areas of my life, and has helped me come closer to God! Once you place your trust in Him, things work out for your benefit! 

“Draw Nearer to God” : Serve

I have been greatly blessed to participate in so many wonderful service projects at BYU! There is such an amazing opportunity every week to work with service groups through Y-Serve. I wrote on this previously, but it is still so important to me!

At General Conference, Elder Carl B. Cook gave his talk on service and the vital role members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have in carrying out the great work of the Gospel. There are so many ways to serve others, and it is our responsibility to care for God's children.

The past two weeks I have been able to serve with Project Uplift, a service organization that helps Veterans and their families. Last week, me and a few others visited a Home for Veterans and it was awesome! As volunteers, we helped the elderly play Bingo and enjoy the afternoon's activities. I have come to love people through service, and this opportunity brought me closer to the elderly and learning to interact with them! This week, our project was to help with construction of a veteran's house that needs to be finished before winter! It was a quick, yet helpful service opportunity that introduced me to the elements of homebuilding.

I also realized that there are so many people in need of my help, in this life and beyond the veil. I have yet to visit the Temple, and I hope to do so soon! I know that the greatest service we can provide is the work done in the temples. Provo, Utah is blessed to have so many beautiful temples close by, within walking distance, and there is a great work yet to do! I know that God loves His children, that Christ atoned for me and for all of us! I know that Christ is the everlasting father of my salvation and I will do my best to bring the gospel to His children.

“Draw Nearer to God” : He is Peace

I love General Conference! It was so inspiring and uplifting! One of my favorite quotes comes from Carol F. McConkie, she said "For us, miraculous healing, powerful protection, divine knowledge, liberating forgiveness, and precious peace are among the answers that come when we offer up a 'soul’s sincere desire' in faith" (October 2016) ! This statement is so powerful and I love the poetry of it! 

I like the entire phrase but the message most dear to me is "miraculous healing...precious peace." Jesus Christ is the ultimate healer, the master physician! He knows better than any what our problems are and how to fix them. He gives us time, and allows us to choose to go to Him! He will comfort us and in our greatest distresses, He alone provides the ultimate peace! 

God is my Heavenly Father, He gave me the gift of communication with Him through praryer in Jesus' name. I know that I need never feel alone because Heaven is simply a few words away! God is your Father in Heaven! He is as close as your heart, and communicating directly to Him comes through prayer! Though it may not be voices speaking, it is our souls pleading to God, our spirits connecting! This connection is powerful and if we seek answers, study diligently, and have faith, the Lord will bless us with answers. 

“Draw Nearer to God” : God is Love

Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf spoke in General Conference October 2016 on the wonderful Plan of Salvation and the attitude of gratitude we need to remember!

We are blessed with so much in life, that often times, those blessings are taken for granted and we even forget the goodness of God! One of the many wonderful messages I took from Uchtdorf's talk is that we need to "take courage," and trust in the Spirit of the Lord! He spoke on the guilt that can motivate us to do something; it makes us feel obligated to do what the Lord has commanded. This is a blessing when we need to repent, but instead of waiting until we feel guilty to do something, we should be consistenly trying to improve ourselves, and building our relationship with God.

Our motivation should really be our love for God!

I do feel motivated to do something, try something new, or say something in a particular situation by thinking of my future. If I would regret not doing something, then I will take courage to do it! I do this often enough to realize it is a habit of mine on how I make decisions in my life, and have come to appreciate God's hand in my life. I am typically an indecisive person when it comes to making immediate decisions, but this form of Godly motivation gets me to exeprience things that enrich my life! It is a form of spontaniety that keeps me happy and regret free! I do take this for granted as today I am only just thinking about it in depth! I am so grateful for General Conference and the divine inspiration we can each receive!

My motivation to become like God, is God himself! I am reminded that we cannot do anything to save ourselves, only the grace of God and the mercy of Jesus Christ through His Atonement, can bring me to God! I want to be like Christ and I want to gain eternal exaltation! Knowing that God loves me, that He is love, I find the joy in my journey to Christ and feel peace in my heart!

If I dedicate everything I do to God, then I am turning to Him, relying on Christ and His goodness! I am giving my will over to Him, and my desire to return home above is my motivation! Through the grace of Jesus Christ, I can improve myself and become a more devoted disciple of Him!

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“Draw Nearer to God” : Find Joy in the Gospel

Learning in-depth about the Atonement of Jesus Christ has really opened my eyes to the blessing I truly have to live! I find myself on occassion feeling really sad and empty, wishing for classes to end so I can sit at home and do absolutely nothing. When I feel this way, I turn to music, pinterest, instagram for comfort. These things usually leave me feeling self-concious and give me thoughts of low self-esteem.

However, when I turn to the scriptures, I feel at ease and comforted. The emptiness I feel may not disappear completely and I still have to work through these moments, but reading the words of my Savior really helps to lighten my spirit!

Going through my daily scripture study, I came across a scripture that I've highlighted prevously. Found in the Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 5:27, says:

"And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness."

This scripture also reminded me of Psalms 144:15,

"Happy is that people, that is in such a case: 

yea, happy is that people, whose God is the Lord." 

I love these two scriptures becuase they give hope to those who believe in Jesus Christ! If He is your God, then happy are you, His child!

We can be happy knowing that we are blessed to make spiritually informed decisions that lead us to lasting happiness whereas many people of the world do not have this blessing. We can be happy knowing that there is a God above, a life beyond this mortal one, a Savior who loves us perfectly and understands us better than we understand ourselves! Sometimes it can be hard to fight our feelings of sadness and depression, but we can always know, even if we can't feel, that we are a happy and blessed people because of this Gospel! 

“Draw Nearer to God” : Servants of God

As I was contemplating ways I could improve myself and strengthen my testimony, I was given the opportunity to serve with BYU Habitat for Humanity. This was a wonderful experience that has lightened my soul and helping me draw closer to my Heavenly Father!

Service is an amazing way to get to know people and to share experiences with others from all backgrounds! I was able to go to the Restore Habitat for Humanity outlet in Spanish Fork, Utah through BYU's YServe organization! This organization is how HFH is able to afford the costs of building homes for low-income families throughout the area. My group was assigned to organize and unbox items to be sold in the Restore. The service was simple, yet I learned to appreciate what I have and the blessing my help can be to others.

I thought of 3 scriptures as I was working at this project. The first is found in 1 Samuel 16:7,

"...For the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart."

This scripture correlates to service because that which you do to improve your testimony shines in your heart! When you give your heart to others in service, you give your heart to God! I also thought of both service scripture masteries, Matthew 25:40 and Mosiah 2:17. These scriptures teach the value and principles of service! 

The Lord has blessed us with talents and abilities that we can learn to strengthen and improve! I have the ability to serve others and I am nurturing the part of me that loves serving others! It is an amazing feeling to know that you are contributing to a great work. The best service we can give is the service from the heart! The greatest service we will perform is that done in the Temple of the Lord! The work we do for those who cannot do for themselves is vital to their salvation and to the building of our faith!

"And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my bretheren, ye have done it unto me." 

-Matthew 25:40

“Draw Nearer to God” : Dearest Child

It is hard to start college. I waited all summer for it, so excited to experience change, challenges, and growth. College is exactly what I expected, but not exactly what I hoped for! I don't want to go into personal details, but that is why this week's scripture has meant so much to me! 

As everyone does, I have a few problems in my life that I am constantly struggling to fight through; mostly revolving around my social skills. When it comes to making friends, I would say I am slightly unpracticed. Sure, I am friendly, but I usually cannot think of anything to say beyond "What's your name/major/hometown...?" For a majority of people, this can be intimidating or annoying, and most people walk away from me. I understand, and at times I am not at all sure I want to be friends with everyone I speak too, which is nothing against those people. The Lord has blessed me with certain talents and abilities, things that I like to share with others. However, He has also challenged me with this particular issue as He knows it will help me grow as I continue to work hard at it. 

The scripture that has made a profound impression in my mind and heart comes from Doctrine and Covenants 6:16 . God is the only one who knows me! He knows every last detail of my everything and is the only one who can truly help me! God knows what I desire to say, and that I even have a desire to speak with people. I tell Him these things because I know He will help me. 

Some days are easier than others; sometimes I surprise myself by being unnaturally outgoing and its great, other days I am the silent recluse awkwardly sitting/standing with a group of social butterflies. I have a lot to learn about myslef, and because my Heavenly parents know me so completely I have to learn to give my trust and faith into them to make me the person I aspire to be! 

I am good at hiding what I am thinking and how I am feeling. It's not something I conciously decide to hide, it naturally happens, and I have to remember to show emotion! :) I may hide my heart from the world, but God knows what is there and what I want! He loves me so much, He is always willing to give me chance after chance to speak with people. This is both healthy and despairing. I am thankful for the opportunity to grow and stretch myself to try new things, and thankful that God knows what will help me and my capabilities. 

If you will turn to the Lord, and let Him into your heart, He will be there to help you grow and love others!! 

"Draw Nearer to God” : Liken the Scriptures unto Yourself

The scriptures mean so much to me! Throughout my life I have gotten into amazing scripture study habits, only to fall out of them after some period of time. The times when I keep up, I am so excited to turn to the scriptures. When I am not routinely reading, I feel burdened with the idea of reading them, and I struggle to make a new habit. However, with this coming school year, I am prepared to keep a study habit that is consistent so that my testimony will continue to grow! I have many goals for this year and one being my Scripture Journal! In the Book of Mormon, Nephi introduces us to his life, his family, God, and the plates. The very first verse struck a chord with me when I realized I could apply it in my own life.

"I Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, 

therefore I was taught somewhat in all the 

learning of my father: and having seen 

many afflictions in the course of my days, 

nevertheless, having been highly favored of 

the Lord in all my days; yea, having had a great 

knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God, 

therefore I make a record of my proceedings in my 

days."

We are to "liken the scriptures unto ourselves" and so I replaced Nephi's name, with my own. This scripture inspired me to make a record of my own; a collection of revelation! I made this scripture the opening statement of my Scripture Journal and everytime I open that journal I am reminded of the goodness of God and the blessings He has given to me and to His children throughout the ages. We studied this scripture also in my Teachings and Doctrines of the Book of Mormon class and the lesson reaffirmed my goals to study the scriptures and make learning them an integral part of my life!

Along with my Scripture Journal, I will update my LDS instagram and this blog using the scriptures I find meaningful! The first of these scriptures is found in Moroni 8:3.

I prepared and presented a FHE lesson the week before heading to BYU, and for my lesson I wondered what I could possibly leave for my siblings that would be a good representation of my testimony. I wanted it to be almost like my "final" advice to them! I compiled a list of all my favorite scriptures and presented this to my family explaining what the scriptures were, what made them my favorite leading to WHY they meant so much to me!

The first scripture I shared is Moroni writing to us and of his prayers for us in the latter days. Moroni promised that if we would endure, Jesus Christ would be with us every step of the way! This means so much to me because when I have ever felt alone or disheartened, I always know that God is with me and that with Christ, I can overcome all my challenges and struggles. Christ is always with us, He knows each of us, loves as, and was willing to suffer for all of us! I know God also loves us, He is our loving Heavenly Father, and with Heavenly Mother, they will give us every blessing if we turn to them with faith, courage, and endurance! I share this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Brigham Young University - Helaman Halls dorm

I moved into Helaman Halls on Wednesday, 24 August 2016!! I was super eager to arrive at BYU and to check out my dorm. There isn't much on the internet regarding these dorms, I found only a couple blogs and a few YouTube videos. I am here to provide further information on the dorms and make some Freshman happy for next year :) & this is Hinckley Hall.

Width x Depth x Heighth

Desk top: 46.5 x 23 X 20 inches

Desk Height from ground: 26 inches

Desk Drawer: 9.25 x 18.75 x 2 inches

Shelves Under Drawer: 23 x 10.5x 8.25 inches

Bottom Floating Shelf: 47 x 12 x 13 inches

Upper Floating Shelf: 47 x 12 x 19 inches

The desk area is lined with a bulletin board but doesn't go very deep, push pins stick out a little.

Width x Depth x Heighth

Drawers: 21 x 18.5 x 5.5 inches

Top Shelf: 46 x 22 x 12 inches

Shoe Shelf: 23 x 22 x 9.5 (adjustable)

This bed is 20in off of the floor, but can be raised to 32in off of the floor. 

Width x Depth x Heighth

Sink Top: 30 x 20 inches

Under Sink: 30 x 20 x 28 inches with a pipe

This is my finished room! A little bit messy still, but completed. I love it and my roomie is fabulous!

 

I won't give away too much about the rest of the building with pictures, that's the fun in exploring, but there is a basement, lobby, vending machine niche, elevator and more :) #GoCougs! #BYU

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Embracing Quiet

"Being “quiet” is often synonymous with weakness. It’s an unfortunate misconception. To be quiet is not to be weak, weird, or backward. It does not mean rude, disengaged, or not a team player. However, for many introverts, “quiet” is mistaken for just that.

 Quiet most likely means observing, listening, thinking, and processing. Sadly, others usually do not think this is the case. The person sitting across from them in a meeting or group discussion, not saying anything, may just not have anything to say at the moment. In fact, if you ask that quiet person to quickly develop a response, they may start to panic. Or they may become even quieter due to the pressure.

 Yet, if given time to reflect or prepare, that quiet person may respond differently. As a teacher, I’ve seen many introverted students give thoughtful, intelligent responses—when they are given time. And if the topic is something they’re passionate about, you may wish they’d go back to being quiet." - Carissa Holloway

 I know in school people would tell me I was intimidating or closed off because I only felt really comfortable talking around my best friends. They would say I was "hard to read" and "stuck-up" becuase I didn't smile and participate in lively conversations. I'm working on being more friendly but it's a challenge, especially when it drains me of energy. I'm an ambivert, somewhere in between extroversion and introversion, I'm quiet most often but can find myself in a mood to be obnoxious and loud. It's a constant battle to balance my blanket personality and the person I am expected to be. 

When I am observing a conversation with casual friends or aquantiances (not best friends) I find it hard to input my opinion. There is a natural flow between poeple in a group talking, but when I wanted to speak I couldn't find the right moment to interject without cutting somebody off or being too quiet to be heard. It is frustrating and difficult, and leaves me feeling left out of the conversation even when I know what I could say. Most of the time though, I have nothing "intelligent" to say or to add to the conversation so I reman observant and attentive to those speaking.

 Over my high school career I realized I would never be the girl who was friends with everyone. I wanted to have my best friends, but have friends I could hang out with and not feel awkward, however this didn't happen. I could be friendly to others and really enjoyed their company but it was awkward, and they usually left me becuase the silence would grow to be too much. I also realized that I didn't want to be friends with everyone, some people are just not healthy to be around and some just don't mix with my personality. I had my small group of best friends and I have found that it is enough!

Yes, at parties or big gatherings I feel exposed and awkward without a best friend with me and no one I can rely on to hang with me. There are people I would like to be with, but I would have to go way beyond my comfort zone to do so since they'd be flanked by all of their best friends and such. I don't like to bother people and I do hate asking for things. I hate getting answers wrong in class because I put thought into answering a question only to be rejected and feel embarrased, especially when I don't talk much anyway and the one thing I do say is wrong or stupid.

 I am a work in progess ;)

 I used to go back and forth between wanting to change my personality or trying to accept my personality. I am now happy with who I am! Don't worry about that :) but I felt like I needed to explain myself so years down the road people wouldn't say "I thought you hated me." It's happended before. Really I do love people, and I love watching all the excitement but that's really what I enjoy doing, observing and listening.

I love parties and being involved, it makes me happy, but I do like to escape to the back of the crowd at times just to be myself while still being invited and wanted. I'm still learning to make friends and I do try to be more open. I am learning to balance my extroverted tendencies/desires with my introverted abilities and comfort zone!

 My strength is being quiet, I can observe a situation and help solve issues that I see, I listen to people and empathize with them, I feel involved when I can simply sit in on group a coversation without being shoed away and without needing to add my opinion. What I once hated about myself, I now understand and am willing to embrace it!!